The burning question is: 'Who Killed Santa?'
This was the question exercising the Royal Mile yesterday as our beloved Father Christmas lay motionless in a pool of his own blood.
The blood-curdling screams of horror at the sight of this tragedy were heard reverberating, almost drowning out the bagpiper on the street corner nearby.
But one of the apparently distraught onlookers was his murderer. Who?
Was it Susan in the red dress? She may look demure, but what lurks beneath the immaculate exterior? Could she be the merciless Queen of Hearts?
Was it a playing card? Their hands were blood-spattered, and rumour has it they make ruthlessly efficient hitmen.
Or, was it Charlotte, her frantic and tormented appearance concealing a cunning criminal mastermind?
The only way to find out the perpetrator of this dreadful crime, which will cause children worldwide undoubtedly the most acute trauma, is to see Monsters - every morning, 11.15am, Belly Dancer @ Smirnoff Underbelly!
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